Anticipatory Grief

Okay, for those of us who have family members who serve, we all know that there are those dreaded moments where we envision the "what ifs?". For some of us, it's just a passing moment that we quickly shoo out of our heads and move on. For others, we use it as a reminder to say what we want others to know. We give all of ourselves, all of the time, so that if something awful does happen we can rest easy our loved one knew exactly what they meant to us.

For some, though, the thoughts can be overwhelming and even debilitating. The thoughts can consume you to the point that you can't drive in front of your own house because your afraid an unmarked military car will be parked outside. You can't answer the door if you aren't expecting anyone because you have played this moment over and over in your head and the outcome is always the same. Then, when you regain your composure, you realize that everything is fine and all the worry and anxiety was over nothing and then you question your sanity.

For me, it's a mixture of all these. I pride myself on being a strong military wife. But, I gotta tell ya. Some days it's pure hell. I go through the motions. I make it through okay and realize that I did make it through another day which means we are another day closer to having David home. But still, the thoughts are there and they are valid...

So, if anyone reading this has these types of experiences, check out this link. It's an honest to goodness condition called Anticipatory Grief. I don't think it's specific to military families, because I know myself that I suffer from this occasionally when thinking of my children, my parents, my siblings, and my husband even when he's right down the road at work. There are also families of police officers, firefighters and a whole slew of occupations that are equally as dangerous.


Well, enough of that now. Many of you ask me how I do it and how I stay so strong. To that I say...I give it all to the Lord. I know that He has a purpose for each and every one of us, and I am just lucky to have the incredible husband and family that He has provided me...